"High-Bottoms"

Last night, my sponsor explained to me the difference between a "high" and "low" bottom alcoholic. 

          Basically, alcoholics with a low bottoms are what we typically think of as the people who have hit "rock bottom"-their lives are in shambles.  Often, there is job loss, severe damage to personal relationships, depression and/or thoughts of suicide and rampant financial and legal troubles.  These are the people we see on "Intervention," where it is clear to everyone on the planet except the alcoholics that their lives have spun completely out of control.  Their loved ones are begging them to get help and have a huge sense of relief when the person goes into treatment.  This group, from my experience so far with AA, seems to make up the majority of recovering alcoholics.

          In contrast, alcoholics with high bottoms (like me) usually have come to terms with our problem on our own and then, in turn, initiate our sobriety.  I have also met those who arrived at AA through the urging of a very close relationship-spouse, best friend, sibling, etc.-who was privy to part or all of the secret the alcoholic had been concealing.  Outside of this inner circle, however, no one knows the extent to which we are consuming alcohol.  We are high functioning-rarely appearing to be intoxicated in public; we manage careers, family and social obligations responsibly;  we have not yet "ruined" our lives like the low bottom alcoholics (and I say yet because this is a chronic disease which, if not treated, inevitably will result in ruin and death); by all accounts, our lives appear completely normal.....because we have gone to great lengths to keep up our tidy exteriors. 

          In my first few days of sobriety, I was acutely aware and grateful for this difference.  I considered myself in the "lucky" category-not to say that I still don't today-but I'm beginning to discover a unique set of challenges for the recovering, high bottom person.  For the sake of brevity, I'm going to convey my observations in list form:

1. Most people, even maybe your closest family members, are shocked when your alcoholism is revealed.  Although you have been dealing with the mental torment of your addiction and have needed to confess it for months or even years, the people that you tell have had absolutely zero time to process this huge thing you just unloaded on them.   You might be very surprised by the emotions this evokes in your loved ones.  Unlike the families of low bottom alcoholics, I am finding (in my life and in the stories of others) common reactions (just to name a few) include uncomfortable shock and lack of anything to say at all; partial admittance of a drinking "problem" but discomfort classifying you as a "true alcoholic"; anger that you have deceived them; irritation and annoyance that you now need to transfer some of your responsibilities to them in order to work on your sobriety;  grief over the potential change this brings to their own drinking habits; fear and/or jealousy of your time spent at meetings/treatment and the relationships you are forming there; confusion as to how they should now behave in your presence (drink/not drink, conversation topics to avoid, desire not to isolate you but also hesitation to invite you places, etc.). 
2. Involved loved ones may ask a lot of questions which, to an alcoholic newcomer, may appear as if the person is implying that they question your overall existence of a problem.  On the other hand, family members with which you have strained relationships (or just their own "yucky stuff" going on) may not ever bring it up at all, as if you had never even told them of your addiction. 
3. Considering aspects 1 & 2 above, it is important we extend our family and friends grace when they do not react as we would like or expect them to (I'm finding this quite challenging~Thank God for the reassuring words of AA members and the example of Jesus in the Bible!).
4. Because our alcohol use has done little if anything to bring us shame, we tend to be more open about our self-discovery.  This can lead to an over-sharing of information which we may later regret.           (Yes-I do see the irony here that I am starting a blog about my experience to share with the whole world, but I feel I am just doing what I was told....trusting that God will protect me from this kind of internet remorse down the road!)
5. High bottom alcoholics tend to have frequent thoughts in early recovery that maybe, in fact, we made a rash evaluation of ourselves and we are not alcoholics at all-increasing the likeliness that we will relapse. 
6. Because we haven't already lost all our responsibilities (job, housing, family, friends, social/spiritual commitments, etc.), people will likely still expect us to not miss a beat in these areas.  Now, we just have to find a way to "work" our recovery into our current, already overly-committed schedules as if we are making a play date or a dentist appointment.  We don't have the "luxury" to go to a treatment center in some beautiful place and spend 24/7 focused on ourselves (no offense at all to my low bottom AA family members who did need treatment-neither option is a good one-and I'm definitely not trying to imply that I'd rather trade places with you).

Well, this is what I have uncovered and am dealing with so far.  Wanted to share in case you find yourself in the same boat.  I'll be sure to update this post as I encounter additional aspects unique to us "high-bottoms."  :-)